Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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