i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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