gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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