Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize