my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
