so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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