***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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