shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The best revenge is premature balding
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
