my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize