I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
