also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
