I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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