so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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