does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
