You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
