ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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