I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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