Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
