I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
