I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
