the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
