I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
