I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
