I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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