As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
