So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
