The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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