erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You pole danced in your parka.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
