cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
