I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
