Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
