Pappa wants mamma naked
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
