you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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