Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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