Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize