You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize