Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
