Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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