u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
