ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
