hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
