I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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