Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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