is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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