Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
smell my finger.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
