We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
