So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
