Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want to walk on stilts...naked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
