I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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