I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
