How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize