They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
