he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
