he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
