While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
