For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
