You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
