he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize