Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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