Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize