dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
