last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
