I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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