I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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