I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
