Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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