I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
