Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
