Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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