I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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