she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
