all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize