she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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