This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
