so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
