He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
