My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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