My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
