You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
