I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
