you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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