i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
