Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize