no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
