I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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