So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize