You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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