Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
