U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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