oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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