We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
two words...techno handjob
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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