Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize