if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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