who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
