I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
