I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
