Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
