when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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