There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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