HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
