he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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