I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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