She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
