I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
