I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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