Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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