Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize