I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
