I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
