Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize