Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
