We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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