So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
