he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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