Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
