She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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