I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
