I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
