How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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