3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
