Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
