eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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