I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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