did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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