matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
