i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
