I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's Friday. Sex?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
