if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
